Emmanuel Eboue has admitted that his struggle to cope with his year-long ban from football has driven him to consider suicide.
The Ivory Coast international is serving a one-year suspension from football imposed by FIFA as part of a dispute with an agent over an unpaid debt.
Eboue s contract at Sunderland was cancelled after FIFA awarded in favour of Sebastien Boisseau, who claims he is owed a fee reportedly close to £1million for his part in the defender s transfer to Galatasaray from Arsenal in 2011.
The 33-year-old is training with a semi-professional player in London in a bid to stay fit but he has revealed his isolation from the game over recent months has taken its toll.
There are a lot of days when I don t feel like getting out of bed, he told The Daily Telegraph. One day I wanted to kill myself. My family keep me strong, it s them that I have to think about but if I was alone, I worry about what I d have done to myself by now.
There are times when I stay in my bedroom and don t come out. One, two days in that room. Alone. I lock the door and am just thinking. I spend a lot of my time reading the Bible and will say, Emmanuel, why are you doing that? It s no good for your family .
My son Mathis is seven and plays for Arsenal s academy. Every time I go there with him people ask me what s going on and it makes it worse. Emmanuel, have you retired? So I have to explain my situation. It makes me more depressed.
The people who know me, when they see my face, they can tell I m not happy. This is the lowest I ve been in my career, it s a bad time.
Eboue says a lack of contact from his compatriots, including former Arsenal team-mate Kolo Toure, has made matters more difficult.
When Kolo was serving his ban [for failing a drugs test in 2011], I was always talking to him, he said. He s had some difficulties at Celtic so I understand [why he has not been in contact]. I m not going to say something bad.
All of them are my big brothers. I know they know my problem but I hope one day they will call me. Of course it s disappointing. I thought the friendship was stronger. You have to be friends in difficult times. But that s life. I take it in a good way.
